Let me start off with a promise. I promise you, you personally don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you want to level up and be hypergamous. I say don’t tell them anything, and when they judge, ignore them all. 

Hypergamy isn’t only about marrying rich, it’s about marrying UP. Better social class, better manners and better education. It’s about marrying the Caviar of men, the Ivy League of men and it’ll surprise you how niche “this” is. 9/10 people will never understand your desire for more out of a partner and out of life, which is a reason I created Hypergamy Her. I created this space to have a place to talk about choosing to marry better quality men. I am constantly working to make this a safe place for likeminded women to talk about their journey and desires for the best things in life. Hypergamy is a personal journey and it’ll do you a great deal of good if you keep that journey to yourself or only share it with likeminded women.

I didn’t tell any man I dated about “hypergamy”. I just vetted and dated rich men like they were regular men, because they are. When I started my journey, I got really weird looks from strangers whenever I’d walk into a restaurant with my now husband. (I wrote a post on why I chose to be in an age gap relationship and all my hypergamous relationships have been age gap as well.) I knew they were misjudging me but quite frankly, I didn’t care. So many of my family members tried to discourage me, telling me to settle with one of the young boys I grew up with, but I knew I wanted more. Did I explicitly call it hypergamy? No! I didn’t even know there was a word for what I wanted, but I knew I wanted so much more. “Friends, family, this is Tom Hiddleston, the handsome, amazing man I’ve been dating. He’s kind, he’s loving, he takes good care of me and he’s extremely sweet.” The fact that you set your sights on Tom Hiddleston isn’t something anybody needs to know. To the world, he is Loki but to you, he’s just Tom and you’ll introduce him as such. When I was ready to introduce my husband, I introduced him as “John Doe, the kind, sweet, loving man who’s gone above and beyond to make me happy.” not “John Doe, the insanely rich, older, white guy who buys me diamonds and Cartier.”

On this journey, you will be misjudged, you will be poorly labeled, you will be discouraged and when you start to succeed, you will be hated, you will be gossiped about, you will be envied and you will be mocked. But you will be unbothered because you’ll be on your $100,000 Hästens mattress till 10am, then your personal chef will serve you breakfast in bed, after which you will notice on your husband’s side, he left you the sweetest note and a $10,000 Cartier bracelet letting you know he’ll be thinking of you throughout the day and you should go shopping for something hot to wear for dinner. You will soak in your imported tub then take a shower in your spa-sized custom shower. You will walk into your closet which is the size of a small football field and won’t find anything to wear till you give up and throw on a $2000 jumpsuit that you forgot you had. Then you will take the elevator to the garage where you will decide whether to take one of your husband’s cars or your Range Rover. I vote Lamborghini. You will go out in a $500,000+ car to a department store of your choice where you’ll find a $5000 dress that’s to die for, for dinner. You can decide to grab lunch with your friend who just bought a rare Chanel purse and wants to show you or you could go home and get ready for Pilates. Dinner time comes and your husband sends a limo, a dozen roses and a bottle of Dom to come get you because unfortunately, his meeting went on longer than planned and didn’t want to risk being late. You arrive at his office and he looks smashing. He puts a diamond necklace on you to complete your look and he can’t stop staring at you because he adores you. You go have dinner at a high-end restaurant where you both catch up. You both go home together, further enjoy each other’s company and then off to bed on your $100,000 mattress. Your haters will still be there, hating away while you continue to enjoy the amazing life you deserve. Don’t give up and don’t let anybody see you sweat!


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  1. This was really encouraging. I already got called bougie at least four times by a family member. I haven’t even changed anything drastic yet. Most of my change up til now has been: mindset, weight and wardrobe. I haven’t gotten major backlash yet but even that little bit kind of hurt my feelings. But you’re right, that shouldn’t be the focus. i’ve had and probably still do a lot of work to do on myself. I’ve been blessed with multiple opportunities throughout my life while only being from a lower middle class family. There’s no doubt that I’m carving a path for myself that’s unfamiliar. Reading this post put a smile on my face! thank you for putting things into perspective. Can I ask how big is your age gap? Honestly, I think the most I could do is 10 years. I’ve done older than that before and it ended very poorly.

    1. Hi Dani, thank you for sharing this with me. I would like you to stop seeing “bougie” as a negative term. If you take it as a compliment, they can’t use it to hurt you anymore. If having standards and wanting the best for yourself is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Keep on keeping on and don’t let naysayers distract you. I’m rooting for you!

      PS: 16 year age gap between my husband and I. The most I recommend is 20 years, but that’s just me.

  2. You wrote it so beautifully! I could visualise it all and it made me so happy and excited because I know I deserve the best. Thanks to the universe, I found a community of like minded women and I am forever grateful! I pray I get to live this fairytale as well 🥰 and sis you are so damn lucky. I love your work and truly admire you so much. Sending you lots of love and positive vibes ✨

    1. My darling Priyanka, it’s so good to see you here again! Thank you so much for your kind words, you’ve totally made my day. I wish you this life and so many more great things in life. Love you!

  3. Most people hate because they don’t think they deserve the life you described and cannot fathom why YOU think you deserve it. I appreciate you for letting us know that this is a reality that is achievable and should be sought after. I know this will be my reality in the near future and I am already showing gratitude to the universe for it. Thank you for sharing. You are such an inspiration ❤️

    1. Hi Liz, thank you for being here. And yes, I agree with you 100%. This life is real and is attainable if you desire it.I have no doubt this will be your life, I just hope you remember me and invite me to all your cool parties. Lots of love!

  4. Yes, this journey is so personal and deep to me. Its forcing me to truly exam who I want to be as a woman and confront those things that nay be holding me back. I am writing down what my dream life will consisit of even down to the time I wish to wake up everyday. Everyone around me is trying to discourage me and even mock me because I refuse to broke men. I understand why its so important to stay silent on your level up journey because once you have reached the ultimate levek your results ans life will speak for itself. This journey can somtiens feel lonely buf I know it will be worth it when I have my ideal life and husband. Your posts have me thinking long term versus short term. Thank you! Love the post

    1. Hi Marie, thank you for being here. Honestly, it saddens me to hear people discourage you from pursuing a better life. Stay strong and focus on your goals. None of the people discouraging you are important enough to prevent you from achieving your goals. I’m always here and you have a tribe of women here to encourage you to keep going. Keep you standards and your head high! Lots of love!

  5. Such a good read! There’s a saying that holding a grudge (or in this case, hating on others) is like drinking poison in hopes that the other person will die! 🙄 The haters are only making themselves suffer, while you are just living and loving life. Keep doing your thing!! 💕

  6. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. I love how you said “Hypergamy isn’t only about marrying rich, it’s about marrying UP. Better social class, better manners and better education.” You have put it perfectly.

    1. Hi Bethany, thank you so much for being here! And yes, hypergamy is about marrying an all round better quality man, not just financially. Lots of love!

  7. I appreciate the picture you painted of what a day in the life can look life. Visualization is so important to me and this will really help a lot. The advice also applies to my career goals as well. There’s so many haters but at the end of the day, I deserve all the good in the world and I will have it. Thank you again for sharing and creating this space to connect and talk with likeminded women. If anyone is looking to connect, I am from NYC and my Instagram is @thecarlamunoz.

  8. Such a lovely post. You’re descriptions are so vivid and your life sounds like a dream.

    I’m really glad I found your Instagram page/blog because before this, although I knew I wanted to practice hypergamy, I hesitated because I thought marrying a rich man would mean compromising in the area of love and fidelity.

    I don’t know why I had the mindset that all wealthy men cheat and view wives as disposable.

    Thank you for continuing to share your story and for being such an inspiration.

    1. Hi Victoria, thank you so much for being here! Thank you for reading my posts, it means the entire world to me. Not all wealthy men cheat on their wives. I do not condone cheating at all and strongly advice women not to do the same. What you tolerate will linger. Lots of love!

  9. This post is just wonderful ! I’m 21 and working on myself, I like to find women who are living the type of life I want. It is really inspiring. Living in Paris and maybe it is European thing but I never talk about hypergamy I feel like people are mocking it. I’m not looking for dating now but flourishing on my femininity and taking note for dating in the future. I hope that you understand my comment enough. Thank you for content ❤️❤️❤️I Wish you more blessings

    1. Hi Lou, it’s so good to see you again! I love that you’re focusing on femininity and taking notes for future dating. You’re such a smart lady and I’m so proud of you! Lots of love!

    2. Hi Lou,
      I agree that it is hard to find people outside of the online world who are interested in hypergamy.
      We sound in a similar place in our hypergamy journey. I am developing my femininity while learning from those who are further on than me. It would be fantastic if we could connect. My Instagram is @louise_b_a

  10. Yes tell these women! My best friend who knows where all my bodies are hidden doesn’t know I am on this journey let alone random people

  11. This was such a wonderful read. There really is no reason to mention this to anyone unless they are likeminded. Just mentioning that I’d like someone tall – has people telling me I’m too picky. I wouldn’t dare say wealthy. I’m so thankful that I came across your Instagram page. It really is one of, if not the very best out there. I’m learning so much. Thank you. Thank you. ❤️

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