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Mindset

Hypergamy, The Very Personal Journey

Let me start off with a promise. I promise you, you personally don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you want to level up and be hypergamous. I say don’t tell them anything, and when they judge, ignore them all. 

Hypergamy isn’t only about marrying rich, it’s about marrying UP. Better social class, better manners and better education. It’s about marrying the Caviar of men, the Ivy League of men and it’ll surprise you how niche “this” is. 9/10 people will never understand your desire for more out of a partner and out of life, which is a reason I created Hypergamy Her. I created this space to have a place to talk about choosing to marry better quality men. I am constantly working to make this a safe place for likeminded women to talk about their journey and desires for the best things in life. Hypergamy is a personal journey and it’ll do you a great deal of good if you keep that journey to yourself or only share it with likeminded women.

I didn’t tell any man I dated about “hypergamy”. I just vetted and dated rich men like they were regular men, because they are. When I started my journey, I got really weird looks from strangers whenever I’d walk into a restaurant with my now husband. (I wrote a post on why I chose to be in an age gap relationship and all my hypergamous relationships have been age gap as well.) I knew they were misjudging me but quite frankly, I didn’t care. So many of my family members tried to discourage me, telling me to settle with one of the young boys I grew up with, but I knew I wanted more. Did I explicitly call it hypergamy? No! I didn’t even know there was a word for what I wanted, but I knew I wanted so much more. “Friends, family, this is Tom Hiddleston, the handsome, amazing man I’ve been dating. He’s kind, he’s loving, he takes good care of me and he’s extremely sweet.” The fact that you set your sights on Tom Hiddleston isn’t something anybody needs to know. To the world, he is Loki but to you, he’s just Tom and you’ll introduce him as such. When I was ready to introduce my husband, I introduced him as “John Doe, the kind, sweet, loving man who’s gone above and beyond to make me happy.” not “John Doe, the insanely rich, older, white guy who buys me diamonds and Cartier.”

On this journey, you will be misjudged, you will be poorly labeled, you will be discouraged and when you start to succeed, you will be hated, you will be gossiped about, you will be envied and you will be mocked. But you will be unbothered because you’ll be on your $100,000 Hästens mattress till 10am, then your personal chef will serve you breakfast in bed, after which you will notice on your husband’s side, he left you the sweetest note and a $10,000 Cartier bracelet letting you know he’ll be thinking of you throughout the day and you should go shopping for something hot to wear for dinner. You will soak in your imported tub then take a shower in your spa-sized custom shower. You will walk into your closet which is the size of a small football field and won’t find anything to wear till you give up and throw on a $2000 jumpsuit that you forgot you had. Then you will take the elevator to the garage where you will decide whether to take one of your husband’s cars or your Range Rover. I vote Lamborghini. You will go out in a $500,000+ car to a department store of your choice where you’ll find a $5000 dress that’s to die for, for dinner. You can decide to grab lunch with your friend who just bought a rare Chanel purse and wants to show you or you could go home and get ready for Pilates. Dinner time comes and your husband sends a limo, a dozen roses and a bottle of Dom to come get you because unfortunately, his meeting went on longer than planned and didn’t want to risk being late. You arrive at his office and he looks smashing. He puts a diamond necklace on you to complete your look and he can’t stop staring at you because he adores you. You go have dinner at a high-end restaurant where you both catch up. You both go home together, further enjoy each other’s company and then off to bed on your $100,000 mattress. Your haters will still be there, hating away while you continue to enjoy the amazing life you deserve. Don’t give up and don’t let anybody see you sweat!

 

Mindset

Date To Marry A Man Who Is Good For You.

Isn’t it interesting how everybody seems to have an opinion on the type of man you should be dating to marry? They have all these characteristics and features as if they’ll be going into the marriage with you, but they won’t. It’s bizarre! People swear they know who’s good for you, but they don’t. Only you can truly know who fits into the vision you have for your future.

Please, date men who are good for you. Not good for your mum or your dad, not good for your cousins, friends, neighbors, colleagues, but good for you! Good for your present, good for your future, good for your faith and good for your children.

Let me tell you something, a lot of people who have opinions on who you should be with only care about the wedding, not the marriage. My mum always had an opinion on who I should be dating. It was always a friend’s son or someone I grew up with because “he’s also black, we share the same values, understand the same language, eat the same food, etc.” None of that really mattered to me because at the end of the day, those boys lacked the characteristics and morals required to be with me. ⠀

I have a friend who’s dating an Iranian man. They’ve been together since we were in A-levels. Her parents have refused to acknowledge that relationship because he’s not a black man from her country. I think it’s so weird because everybody her mum has tried to connect her with has been garbage. One of the black men from her country that she was talking to took her on a date, met her parents, then got married to the woman he told my friend was just a coursemate a few weeks after that. Her Iranian boyfriend was the nicest man I had known, before my husband. Treats her with love, respect, has a PhD and a good job, just an all-round swell guy. But her parents have refused to acknowledge that relationship just because he’s not a black man. ⠀

At the end of the day, if you marry someone just to please people other than yourself and you have this fantastic wedding, who’re you going to call at 11pm in 6months when he doesn’t come home? Will the people who forced you to marry the wrong person be there when he’s putting his hands on you? Will they open their doors when he kicks you out of your home? Will they help you out financially when he locks you out of the accounts? Please, choose wisely. Marriage is a commitment among man, wife and God. Legally, it is a commitment between 2 people. It’ll be foolish to consider people who have nothing to lose, especially when it goes against what you believe in. ⠀

Date to marry a man who is kind, God-fearing, loves you, loves your family, respects you, can provide for you, will protect you and will help you become a better person. It doesn’t matter what color his skin is or what country he’s from. You’re attracted to what you’re attracted to, it is what it is. 🤷🏽‍♀️