The Perception of Reality Is More Real Than Reality Itself.

Perception is significantly more important than reality. Have you wondered why people go broke trying to look rich? It’s because the way you perceive these people is worth more to them than their reality. People are buying designer items they can’t afford, renting cars they can’t buy, taking pictures in movie set private jets, standing next to parked luxury vehicles like they own it… Why? So that you can think of them more like the people who can conveniently afford the same things. (This is why I show up here with receipts, screenshots and proof of purchase ok? 😂)⠀

Example – An IVY league alum, a legacy (someone who comes from several generations of wealth, fortune and fame), someone who’s friends with someone rich and/or famous, someone who dresses really well and someone who drives an AMG. Without knowing them or even speaking to them, you’ve already made assumptions about who they are, correct? Do you know if the Harvard grad is unemployed and carless? No but you have placed that person in high regard because you overheard them talking about Harvard and graduating from Harvard Business School. ⠀⠀

Who a person thinks you are at first is more important than who you actually are. If they don’t perceive you to be worthy of their time and effort, it doesn’t matter if you’re the best person on this planet, it’s not going to go anywhere. ⠀

How was I able to date high value men while I was unemployed, carless and furnitureless? How was I able to make high value friends who introduced me to high society? Well, if you present yourself as someone who has her life together, people will see you as someone who has her life together, and you don’t have to lie about anything. ⠀⠀

The reason I was able to confidently date super wealthy men while I lacked a few things is because I’m a good, confident storyteller. I have taught and continue to teach women ways to change other people’s perceptions of them. With the stories you tell by how you act, look and speak, you can change the perception of how much you’re really worth. This is why I have taught and will continue to teach women how to be fantastic storytellers and change their narrative. 

Instead of talking about how you don’t have a car, talk about how you’re thinking of starting your own makeup line. Instead of talking about how you don’t have a job, have a conversation that shows how knowledgeable you are in your field of study. Instead of focusing on your H&M dress, compliment and speak on one designer item the other person is wearing. By confidently focusing on the things you have going for yourself, little to no emphasis is being placed on the things you lack. Instead of seeing you as a woman who is unemployed and carless, you’re seen as someone who is intelligent, ambitious and on her way to success. ⠀

Random train of thought: I used to be more confident when I didn’t have much than I do now. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have anything to lose?

Have the confidence of a Harvard legacy even though your bank account says otherwise.

“If someone perceives something to be true, it is more important than if it is in fact true. This doesn’t mean you should be duplicitous or deceitful, but don’t go out of your way to correct an assumption if it plays to your advantage.” – Unknown.

⠀Please leave me a message, I’m curious to know your thoughts.


4 Tips To Take Your Charisma Up a Few Notches.

1. Make The First Move⠀

As a person looking to connect with high value people, you have to be comfortable with making the first move. Networking up and dating up sometimes require you to approach people and start a conversation. Kim Kardashian is not going to approach you, you’re going to have to approach Kim. This is totally normal and there’s no shame in being the one to approach. ⠀

I know the introvert in some of you will be freaking out now but breatheeeeeee! This will push you out of your comfort zone but it’ll be totally worth it.⠀

2. Pay genuine compliments. ⠀

⠀For personal relationships, I use 2 types of compliments:⠀

 ⠀1. Compliment to establish and build rapport. ⠀

⠀2. Compliment to show knowledge and build credibility.      ⠀

These are by far my most used ones and they are not mutually exclusive, meaning you can pay one compliment that accomplishes both. ⠀

Compliment to establish and build rapport: I always find something I like about a person. If I can’t find it, then maybe I shouldn’t be talking to that person. Whether it’s a fashion accessory or how gorgeous/handsome they are, get comfortable with paying genuine compliments. Try to avoid closed-ended compliments. Ex: “I like your hair.”  All you’re going to get is “Thanks.” You want to compliment someone in a way that it sparks a conversation. ⠀

Compliment to show knowledge and build credibility: I met my BFF at a restaurant and I absolutely loved how she looked. That woman has a lot of style and is so beautiful. I noticed she had on an Apple Watch with the Hermès strap so I complimented her on it. “Is that the Hermès Apple Watch? It looks so beautiful on you.” Her face instantly lit up and she was ready to talk fashion with me from that point on. ⠀

1. I showed her I was knowledgeable about high-end stuff and built enough credibility for further discussion. ⠀

2. I brightened her day and built rapport. ⠀

⠀Again, avoid closed-ended compliments.⠀

 “Nice watch!” and “Is that a Patek Philippe? Wow! You have such great taste!” are two different compliments. ⠀

PS: When in doubt, go for the higher end option. Ex: If you’re not sure if his shoes are Ferragamo or Aldo, go with Ferragamo. With age, go younger. ⠀

3. Receive compliments well. ⠀⠀

As you get better at paying people compliments, get better at receiving them as well. You want to be confident, not cocky or timid. ⠀⠀

Compliment: “You are so beautiful.”⠀

Confident: Thank you so much for your kind words.⠀

Cocky: “I know that.” Or “So I’ve been told.”⠀

Timid: “Do you really mean that?” “Are you sure?” “Oh stop! I don’t look that good.”⠀

Compliment: “That is a beautiful dress and you look lovely in it. ⠀

Confident: “You’re so kind. This is definitely one of my favorite dresses and I love how it makes me feel.”⠀

Cocky: “It is a beautiful dress. And for how much I paid for it, I should look good in it.”⠀

Timid: “Oh this old thing?”⠀

4. Keep initial conversations light and fluffy. ⠀

No politics, no religion, no raunchiness. You want people to enjoy conversing with you so that they’ll want to do more of it. If you get into a heated argument over Trump vs Biden, chances are, they’re not going to want to talk to you again. ⠀

Practice makes a difference, believe me. I’ve been doing these for as long as I can remember and they have opened doors for me. ⠀


Hypergamy, The Very Personal Journey

Let me start off with a promise. I promise you, you personally don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you want to level up and be hypergamous. I say don’t tell them anything, and when they judge, ignore them all. 

Hypergamy isn’t only about marrying rich, it’s about marrying UP. Better social class, better manners and better education. It’s about marrying the Caviar of men, the Ivy League of men and it’ll surprise you how niche “this” is. 9/10 people will never understand your desire for more out of a partner and out of life, which is a reason I created Hypergamy Her. I created this space to have a place to talk about choosing to marry better quality men. I am constantly working to make this a safe place for likeminded women to talk about their journey and desires for the best things in life. Hypergamy is a personal journey and it’ll do you a great deal of good if you keep that journey to yourself or only share it with likeminded women.

I didn’t tell any man I dated about “hypergamy”. I just vetted and dated rich men like they were regular men, because they are. When I started my journey, I got really weird looks from strangers whenever I’d walk into a restaurant with my now husband. (I wrote a post on why I chose to be in an age gap relationship and all my hypergamous relationships have been age gap as well.) I knew they were misjudging me but quite frankly, I didn’t care. So many of my family members tried to discourage me, telling me to settle with one of the young boys I grew up with, but I knew I wanted more. Did I explicitly call it hypergamy? No! I didn’t even know there was a word for what I wanted, but I knew I wanted so much more. “Friends, family, this is Tom Hiddleston, the handsome, amazing man I’ve been dating. He’s kind, he’s loving, he takes good care of me and he’s extremely sweet.” The fact that you set your sights on Tom Hiddleston isn’t something anybody needs to know. To the world, he is Loki but to you, he’s just Tom and you’ll introduce him as such. When I was ready to introduce my husband, I introduced him as “John Doe, the kind, sweet, loving man who’s gone above and beyond to make me happy.” not “John Doe, the insanely rich, older, white guy who buys me diamonds and Cartier.”

On this journey, you will be misjudged, you will be poorly labeled, you will be discouraged and when you start to succeed, you will be hated, you will be gossiped about, you will be envied and you will be mocked. But you will be unbothered because you’ll be on your $100,000 Hästens mattress till 10am, then your personal chef will serve you breakfast in bed, after which you will notice on your husband’s side, he left you the sweetest note and a $10,000 Cartier bracelet letting you know he’ll be thinking of you throughout the day and you should go shopping for something hot to wear for dinner. You will soak in your imported tub then take a shower in your spa-sized custom shower. You will walk into your closet which is the size of a small football field and won’t find anything to wear till you give up and throw on a $2000 jumpsuit that you forgot you had. Then you will take the elevator to the garage where you will decide whether to take one of your husband’s cars or your Range Rover. I vote Lamborghini. You will go out in a $500,000+ car to a department store of your choice where you’ll find a $5000 dress that’s to die for, for dinner. You can decide to grab lunch with your friend who just bought a rare Chanel purse and wants to show you or you could go home and get ready for Pilates. Dinner time comes and your husband sends a limo, a dozen roses and a bottle of Dom to come get you because unfortunately, his meeting went on longer than planned and didn’t want to risk being late. You arrive at his office and he looks smashing. He puts a diamond necklace on you to complete your look and he can’t stop staring at you because he adores you. You go have dinner at a high-end restaurant where you both catch up. You both go home together, further enjoy each other’s company and then off to bed on your $100,000 mattress. Your haters will still be there, hating away while you continue to enjoy the amazing life you deserve. Don’t give up and don’t let anybody see you sweat!



Date To Marry A Man Who Is Good For You.

Isn’t it interesting how everybody seems to have an opinion on the type of man you should be dating to marry? They have all these characteristics and features as if they’ll be going into the marriage with you, but they won’t. It’s bizarre! People swear they know who’s good for you, but they don’t. Only you can truly know who fits into the vision you have for your future.

Please, date men who are good for you. Not good for your mum or your dad, not good for your cousins, friends, neighbors, colleagues, but good for you! Good for your present, good for your future, good for your faith and good for your children.

Let me tell you something, a lot of people who have opinions on who you should be with only care about the wedding, not the marriage. My mum always had an opinion on who I should be dating. It was always a friend’s son or someone I grew up with because “he’s also black, we share the same values, understand the same language, eat the same food, etc.” None of that really mattered to me because at the end of the day, those boys lacked the characteristics and morals required to be with me. ⠀

I have a friend who’s dating an Iranian man. They’ve been together since we were in A-levels. Her parents have refused to acknowledge that relationship because he’s not a black man from her country. I think it’s so weird because everybody her mum has tried to connect her with has been garbage. One of the black men from her country that she was talking to took her on a date, met her parents, then got married to the woman he told my friend was just a coursemate a few weeks after that. Her Iranian boyfriend was the nicest man I had known, before my husband. Treats her with love, respect, has a PhD and a good job, just an all-round swell guy. But her parents have refused to acknowledge that relationship just because he’s not a black man. ⠀

At the end of the day, if you marry someone just to please people other than yourself and you have this fantastic wedding, who’re you going to call at 11pm in 6months when he doesn’t come home? Will the people who forced you to marry the wrong person be there when he’s putting his hands on you? Will they open their doors when he kicks you out of your home? Will they help you out financially when he locks you out of the accounts? Please, choose wisely. Marriage is a commitment among man, wife and God. Legally, it is a commitment between 2 people. It’ll be foolish to consider people who have nothing to lose, especially when it goes against what you believe in. ⠀

Date to marry a man who is kind, God-fearing, loves you, loves your family, respects you, can provide for you, will protect you and will help you become a better person. It doesn’t matter what color his skin is or what country he’s from. You’re attracted to what you’re attracted to, it is what it is. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Personal Brand

Picture Perfect Life!

I have met some of the most amazing, wealthy women/wives on Instagram and I will show you how I did that. The first place to start is your own Instagram and that’s what we’ll be doing today. ⠀

Name: Blair E. J⠀

Bio: Venture capitalist with exquisite taste for the best things life has to offer. God, family, food, luxury! *add any emoji:🦋* (PS: A lot of my “real housewives” friends have butterflies, hearts and/or diamonds in their bios, and I honestly have no clue why, but you can throw them in there if you like.) ⠀


👶 Mum⠀
💍 Wife ⠀
💄 Beauty ⠀
👠 Fashion ⠀
🧁 Owner of Life is Good Cupcakes ⠀

You can always bio “shop” and tweak it so people have an idea what to expect from you. ⠀

Feed: Aesthetically pleasing. Especially one that shows that you’re a force to be reckoned with and you can afford to hang with the best of them. ⠀

Quality pictures, not pictures that look like they were captured by the CCTV at the gas station. Your outfits, your fashion accessories, your fine dining food, not uncle joe’s rib shack from around the corner. Show the best parts of your life that will be inviting to people and will make them want to be friends with you. You don’t follow people on IG to be depressed, you follow what you enjoy. ⠀

Be intentional with your feed and don’t just wait for picture perfect moments to happen, create them. Go to the high end neighborhood and ask your friend to take a picture of you casually jogging. Go to the nice coffee shop and get your latte picture. Some high-end restaurants offer brunch on the weekends and it’s a cheaper, chicer way to get your fine dining food pic. Take a “non-posey” pic outside a designer store. Go to your local conservatory or garden and take whimsical pictures like you would on vacation. Go out there and intentionally create the feed of your dreams. You will have fun doing it, you will explore new places and you never know who you might meet. ⠀

Tip: There are local photographers who are willing to photograph you for next to nothing, to build their portfolio. ⠀

For sticking with me, download @depaloapp . It shows you instagramable places in your city. It’s only available for larger cities now but I’m sure will expand soon. ⠀

Tag me in your new pictures, I’d love to see them. ⠀